Making Clear Statements or Questions

Tips for making simple statements or questions are below:

• Use short statements or questions
• Ask one question or request at a time
• Be specific
• Avoid strong emotional statements

Praise

Everyone needs to feel appreciated, though sometimes we forget to express this to those we care about. If you praise people for their good behaviours, they are more likely to continue those behaviours than if you criticise the negative behaviour. Just as importantly, praise can help others feel better about themselves, and it can feel great for you to.

Tips for praising others are below:

• Look at the person
• Say exactly what he or she did that pleased you
• Tell the person how you feel
• Give praise for even small changes
• Praise people immediately after the behaviour
• Avoid ‘back-handed’ compliments

Requests

If you want or need someone to behave in a particular way or do something for you, you are unlikely to get your needs met if you do so in an aggressive or ‘nagging’ tone. If you want or need something from someone, you should state clearly what is required of this person and if you tell them how much it is appreciated it is more likely to be successful.

Tips for requesting of others is below:

• Look the person in the eye
• Be specific with what you need or want from this person
• Say how you feel

Please keep in mind that we also communicate with out body language and tone of voice. If these do not match your request you are unlikely to succeed!

Unpleasant Feelings

Often people find it difficult to express their unpleasant feelings, however, if they are not expressed then the person will not know that what they are doing is upsetting for you. Often, if you do not express these unpleasant feelings they can build up and create resentment, which can cause more damage and pain in the long run.

We tend to dislike expressing our unpleasant feelings because we are afraid or worried about the other person’s reaction. However, expressing how you feel, even when it is difficult or painful is an essential part of communication and relationship.

Tips for expressing unpleasant feelings:

• Create eye contact and speak in a calm and assertive manner
• Be specific!
• Tell the person how you feel
• Suggest how this could be prevented in the future

Please keep in mind again, that body language and tone of voice are essential to express your message correctly!

Listening

We have all had the experience where we talk to someone who does not seem to be paying attention to you, and how painful this is! Therefore, listening and paying attention to those around help maintain and create relationship.

Below are some tips for being a good listener:

• Make eye contact
• Appear interested
• Minimise distractions around you (put your cell-phone down, turn off the TV etc)
• Ask follow up questions
• Repeat the main theme of the conversation to check you haven’t missed the point.
• Show that you care about their feelings.

Hunt, C.J., Andrews, G. & Sumich, H.J. (1995).