In our society we seem to have predetermined ideas about marriage and divorce, many of which are unconscious and are based around the ‘happily ever after’ principle. Movies, books and fairy tales talk to us of finding our ‘one true love’ that will last a life time, but unfortunately for some of us, this isn’t the case. Due to so much pressure to find and hold on to ‘the one’ there can be a lot of shame associated with separation or divorce, many people speak of feeling like ‘damaged’ or ‘used’ goods, and often hide their divorce from future partners or simply don’t continue to date again.
When we journey through separation or divorce, the feelings of shame, anger and resentment can often accompany the process. Many couples struggle to remain amicable with each other and it can often become an emotional war. Things get more complicated when children are involved, and often, kids can be put in the middle of parents fighting and separation negotiations. This can cause parental alienation where a child is used as a weapon, usually fed negative information about their other parent which can then influence their feelings towards that parent. If one parent tells the children that their father is a liar and should never be trusted, it can be difficult for the child involved to remain impartial to that parent. Often this creates mistrust and guilt for the child and can influence their own ability as an adult to trust and connect within relationships. Parents may do this unconsciously, as a way to get back at their partner for the hurt, betrayal and shame that can be associated with divorce and separation.
There is a way however, to divorce or separate in a healthy and amicable way, if both parties are willing to work together.
Parenting Through Divorce
When parent’s divorce or separate, children tend to feel the pressure to choose a parent or take sides. This can be distressing and traumatic for the child as for them, it can feel like their world has just turned upside down.
It is important for parents to realised that while they are no longer a romantic couple, they still need to work as a parental couple. This is essential for the child/children
Experiencing issues with your significant other can severely impact every part of your life, whether it be work, family, social life, home life or even alone time! Often in our busy schedules we find it difficult to find time to work on our relationships, yet these are the people that we turn to in time of need. So therefore, it is essential that we look after our relationships so they are strong, healthy and resilient to all that life can throw at us.